I know it's been awhile since I've posted anything of substance, but my back has been killing me and I've been to the Dr's several times and even got a series of two epidural shots. Those who know me know that I have to be in quite a bit of pain to face needles, especially those in my spine area. Anyway, I'm feeling much better now to where the pain is managable, but it's not me I'm wanting prayers for...
We got the results Friday from hubby's recent PET scan and things are not good. In fact they are depressingly bad. The cancer is now progressing quite quickly and the Dr thinks the tumor will overtake his "esophagus" sometime this year. What that means is he will quickly go downhill from there as he won't be able to eat or even breathe. They may be able to put in a stint and even a feeding tube at that point, but it will only delay the inevitable and, of course, hospice will be called in. I asked how much it has spread and the Dr basically put his hand at his waist and his other hand at his neck. We were shocked. Especially since Chris is feeling and eating so well right now. But, as the Dr said, it is now progressing rapidly. Chris still doesn't want chemo (radiation is now out of the picture because of how much it has spread) because although the chemo will give him a little more time, it will most likely make him sick as a dog and his herbs and homeopathy medication has given him three years without the negative side effects. He wants what time he has left to feel as "normal" as possible and I can't blame him. Chris will be getting an endoscopy so they can see exactly what's going on, and I will post again when we learn the results.
Okay, I thought I was handling this well, but I'm tearing up here. We knew that this would inevitably happen and we are blessed and thankful that we had the time we had (three whole years) after his recurrance diagnosis (especially when they were talking 3-6 months). I don't want to ramble on, but did want to let everyone know the latest, especially since several of my NJ friends read my blog.
Please keep us in your prayers,
Suzy
Hat #35
3 hours ago
8 comments:
You had me tearing up too, and I don't even really know you. I hope your days together will be full of meaning and love. Big hugs to you and know that you and your family are in my prayers.
Suzy,
This is a challenging journey you and your spouse are faced with- A good friend of mine helped me to recognize the importance of finding the joy and beauty in each day as she fought her battle. While she ultimately lost the war (as we all will do,) she helped me to remember to find joy in the little things. Her lessons and her friendship remain with me- There is a great book by a man named Randy Pausch called the Last Lecture. His story is powerful and one of the things he wrote was "you don't get to choose the cards you are dealt in life but you do get to choose how you spend your time while you are here." Perhaps you will find his thoughts of interest and of comfort. I believe you will find the strength to support your beloved. may you also find yourself surrounded by loving friends and family who fill you with positive energy on your difficult days. Sending you good wishes and comfort.
Regards from a Western Canadian Quilter,
Anna
Suzy, you know my prayers are with you and Chris always, as they have been since we met. If you don't mind, I'll also ask my prayer group to include both of you in their prayers as well. Enjoy each day together and know that you are being lifted in prayer...
(((Suzy))) my heart goes out to you. I want so bad to give you words of encouragement but I know how terrible this time is. My brother died of throat cancer last year, it was hard to go through those days with him. Take comfort in knowing that you are giving Chris some peace in knowing he does not have to face this alone and that you love him and you will be ok. I am tearing right along with you and just wish I could give you a big hug and we could cry together. Reading your profile, it sounds like he has had a wonderful life, known the love of a faithful wife, children and grandchildren. God will give you and him the strength to face the path ahead, but lean on those that love you, friends, family and borrow from their strength as well. That is all I can say..other than my prayers are with you.
Oh Suzy, this is my first time to your blog and my heart breaks for your family. I can not imagine how your all feeling and what your going thru. I'll be praying for you and your husband that he doesnt have pain. I'm glad you stopped by my blog and I'll be back to yours often.
Hugs
Sharon
I will surely add your family to my prayers. ((((hugs))))
Suzy,
I'm Chris's cousin, Jill. Wanted to let you know you are both in my prayers. I know all us cousins are praying and thinking of Chris and you. I remember when you were out here 3 years ago on your Alaska cruise. These last 3 years have been full of new adventures for you both.
Jill
suzy, i am so sorry for your loss. i realize it was a long and painful road. i looked at chris's DOB, and thought, "that's TOO young!".
i remember when i was a kid, we picked out a jersey for my dad's 31st birthday, and then i thought, "31? he's OLD!". oh, i was just a kid of the 70's.
i remember once going to a slumber party and the mom moderating a game with us kids. she asked me, "where will you be in the year 2000?". i had no concept of the year 2000. heck, i was just a kid in the late 70's or early 80's. i said, "i might not be around then".
and now, i'm at the age where death chases us. in my late 30's (and now i'm 40), i realized that the people around me are getting older. i even have health issues i didn't have 2 years ago. my cousin has a mass growing in her chest that's so big that it broke her sternum. and i'm sad for her, because she's already given up.
but, i am ever the optimist. i feel we must be optimistic. i believe in positive thinking. i believe that tomorrow brings hope. without hope, none of us deserves living.
i found your blog by chance. i am a knitter, and i am embarking on my second quilt ever. and i've joined the BOM for the roses of remembrance quilt. that's how i found your blog.
so, i will be thinking about you.
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